Before we proceed, please imagine that you are inside the confession booth, like the ones in the Catholic church. Only for the purpose of this blog post, you are the priest and I’m about to confess something to you. Ready?
Normal human being that I am, I’ve had a couple “rough moments” in the past couple of days. You know, those times when you feel like you suck, that you are stuck in a rut, that you are a worthless piece of poo, that you are getting it all wrong? The times that you get in that space where you develop an incredible capacity to poke holes everywhere and evade all memory of the things that are great in your life? Yup! I felt like that. (if that doesn’t sound familiar to you, then: YOU = A zen baby Buddha)
Anyway, why am I telling you this?
Because this is not the first time nor the last that these sentiments driven by fear and self doubt will show up in my life. However, what is completely different is the way I’m starting to deal with them. And THAT changes the rules of how I play in this life.
Before I would let them hit me like a pile of bricks, knock me out, and then simmer in a Russian bath of despair for an extended period of time.
Side effects: feeling numb and unhappy, productivity and creativity out, and no fun! In a nutshell: a little hole with no room for anything joyous. Awful right? And yet, we still do it to ourselves!
Why? because we give our feelings SOOOOO MUCH POWER!
We give them so much meaning and let them define who we are. Worst of all we let them disempower us and stop us from moving forward.
And here is the golden piece for this blog post:
WE ARE NOT OUR FEELINGS.
Feelings exist and are part of the package of being human. We can try to become them, suppress them, avoid them, whatever. OR we can let them be and see them eye to eye, separate from us.
This is something I learned while I was training to become a Coach. At first I only understood it rationally, but at some point I chose to try it out and experience the separation between my feelings and who I know my self to be. This has helped me so much to keep focus and it has been a foundational piece in my “having it all” redefinition journey.
So, on with the confession and how this all comes together:
I was working with a friend of mine on a Coaching workshop we are leading this Friday in NYC. During one of our meetings she asked me how the business was going and I told her that things are moving along but I’m far from where I want it to be. Additionally I’ve been making progress on my website and realized I won’t be able to have it up by Friday as I had mentioned in my prior post. That, plus a couple other things made me feel like a loser and a cheat and I started to feel guilty about many things, including leaving Bean with a babysitter during the week.
So here is where my new practice came into place. As soon as I noticed the feelings bubbling up like an Alka Seltzer I stopped what I was doing, walked over to where my husband was and told him:
“I’m having feelings and I acknowledge they are just that, feelings. But I need to express them, let them out, and cry a little.” (I literally said that, and then went ahead and did it.)
By doing that, I let my feelings be and I allowed myself to clear the space. It was OK to say out loud that I felt like a loser and a cheat at that very moment.
- Do you ever think of yourself as your feelings? How does that leave you?
- Want to change that approach?
Don’t let this be a one way conversation. Comment Below!